Pain during intercourse is not often spoken about. It is very unpleasant when you want to enjoy intercourse but can’t because it is painful or because penetration is unsuccessful. And what if this doesn’t happen just once, but very often? What effect does that have on your self-confidence? And on your relationship? How does your partner react to it? And what causes the pain? Is there a wound? Is your vagina too tight? Is your vagina too dry? Or are there psychological problems that cause you to feel inhibited?

Intercourse with a dry vagina? Don’t!

If you are not stimulated enough, your vagina will be insufficiently lubricated. Often it can take up to 10 minutes before your vagina is enough lubricated. If you have intercourse small lesions can develop in your vagina that are very painful during intercourse. These lesions usually heal very slowly. A general rule could be that you aren’t ready for intercourse until your vagina is sufficiently lubricated. So if your vagina isn’t wet enough? No intercourse!

Why pain during intercourse?

There are many reasons for pain during intercourse. It’s often the result of not understanding your body enough, or of ideas about the penis, unpleasant intercourse, unpleasant experiences while losing your virginity, insufficient stimulation or not being able to relax. When the problems persist for too long it can lead to frigidity, undermining the relationship.

The partner’s role

There are two types of partners who don’t help with their behavior:
1. the partner who becomes distant and stops trying,
2. the partner who reacts with, “I’ll help you get through this” and who keeps trying in spite of it not working.
Advice for partners: be open to the fears and boundaries of your wife. Then she can open up better. It is then easier to surrender. Make agreements about how far she wants to go and respect those boundaries. Give her time to totally unfold and trust you.The partner who wants to help you make it work in a loving way is most helpful!

Convictions that get in the way

The MIR-Method can help you relax and gain self-confidence. It can help you to solve a part of pain during intercourse. In addition, your ability to express yourself and to communicate with your partner develops, enabling you to explain to him or her what’s going on. There are a number of convictions that can haunt a woman’s mind and really get in the way. I’ll mention a few and maybe you will be familiar with one or more. If you recognize certain convictions, then it’s easier to change them! Most especially by talking about them.

• ‘I’m afraid that the finger or penis will just unexpectedly enter me and I don’t want that.’
• ‘My husband gets an erection too quickly. Then I feel pressured and don’t feel like continuing with cuddling or intercourse.’
• ‘If the penis is inside my vagina, I no longer have any control.’ 
• ‘If intercourse is successful once, you always have to do it. Then I can’t say ‘no’ any more and I don’t want that.’
• ‘His penis really doesn’t fit and is much too big for my vagina.’

These convictions can be dealt with and help you discover what is not valid about them. Talking about them with your partner is a major step!

And how about you? Has your pain during intercourse changed or disappeared since doing the MIR-Method? Please write about it below! Thank you!

My wish for you is that your sex life may be joyful and free!
Greetings, Mireille

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P.S. Are you not yet familiar with the MIR-Method? Please go to the homepage: www.mirmethode.com.  You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Register on the homepage to receive the newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support!