Are you familiar with these types of longings of the heart:
“I really should take a week off.”
“I don’t really want to go to that birthday party.”
“I find it really difficult to ask my doctor for extra testing.”
“I really just want some peace and quiet.”
“I really should make my boundaries clearer to my children.”
“I really just want to go outside.”
“I’d really like more than anything to spend the whole day drawing.”

How do you listen to your heart?

During a walk in the woods with a friend, I used the word “really” several times. She pointed out to me that the word “really” could be left out. And that when you really listen to what you are saying, it is very clear. If you take “really” out of the sentence, it becomes crystal clear what you have to do! So, “I don’t really want to go to that birthday party” becomes, “I don’t want to go to that birthday party”.

Gather courage and listen to your heart

And… here’s the thing. Why don’t you just do what you “really” want to?! Why do you postpone it? Why do you hold yourself in? Why do you keep your words to yourself? Why don’t you phone someone? It’s because that demands courage from yourself. You have to cross the threshold, take a risk, take the chance that someone won’t like what you want to do. There’s a chance of rejection. Or in other words, you sabotage and make up pretexts and excuses because you lack the courage. And moreover, you put others in first place, ahead of yourself.

Where did your courage go?

Why do you lack the courage? Where did it go? Children are courageous. They will say and do anything. They are brave four-year-old knights and female warriors. They can do anything. They can take on the world until they experience that what they do meets with disapproval. That they are punished for it. That it is undesirable. It could have been because of your father or mother. Or brothers/sisters, but also teachers. Were you allowed to speak up in class? Were you allowed to leave the classroom if you felt the need to? Were you able to be creative if your whole soul asked to be? Could you disagree with the teacher? Could you go outside, into nature, if that was what you wanted to do? Children are given messages during their education that influence them and through which they can think that there is a lot they aren’t allowed to do or supposed to do. That you run the risk of being punished or missing out on the teacher’s love. No, then it’s better to conform and put your own needs aside. Including your courage.

The MIR-Method and Courage

If you do the MIR-Method, you gather courage. You supplement it naturally by doing step 7: Fulfill basic needs. Because “Courage” is also a basic need. It’s wonderful to be surrounded by courageous people who are an example of it for you!

With step 3: Detach father. Detach mother, as you stroke your hand, you detach yourself from the example you had. From your parents, but also from other boys/girls or men/women. You remove their lack of courage or the power they had over you from your system, making you feel again like the courageous four-year-old knight.

The word “really”

Observe during the next few days how often you use the word “really”. And what are you actually saying? Leave out the word “really” and say it again! Then you listen to your heart and you’ll hear what your heart is saying.

“I’d like to take a week off.”
“I don’t want to go to that birthday party.”
“I don’t have the nerve to say what I want.”
“I’d like some peace and quiet.”
“I need to be clearer towards my children.”
“I want to go outside.”
“I need to exercise more.”
“I have to tell my mother.”
You can also use this when coaching or during therapy. You only need to listen and if you often hear your client using the word “really”, you ask, “Really?”

And what are you going to do? Are you going to listen to your heart? I’d love to hear about it! Please write below what you “really” said and what your heart is therefore asking of you! Thank you!

Have fun listening to yourself!
Mireille Mettes

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P.S. Are you not yet familiar with the MIR-Method? Please go to the homepage: www.mirmethod.com. You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Register on the homepage to receive the newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support!