50. Have You Forgiven Yourself?
Not being able to forgive yourself is the most poisonous thing there is. Berating yourself, punishing yourself such as, “Nothing I do is good, it’s my fault”, “If I hadn’t been here, it would have gone well”, “If only I hadn’t been born”, “Sorry for my existence”. These are strong words, but I recently read them, from a young woman who wasn’t alive shortly after that. She had posted her farewell on Internet. If you’ve been involved in a situation that didn’t end well, you know it can remain with you for the rest of your life. And dependent on how sensitive you are, it can go from -someone else being punished instead of you- to -feeling responsible for someone’s death-.
Guilt is a cocoon
When you can’t forgive yourself, you live in a cocoon. You can barely move or breathe. You always live in tension. “When am I going to do something stupid again?” “When am I going to be blamed again?” “When will people see how I really am? Then they won’t like me anymore.” These are the thoughts of people who are eager to have contact with other people but are certain they are guilty and feel totally stuck. They do everything they can to do right. They bend and bow and try to make everyone happy. Every form of criticism or commentary that people give, hits hard. And then they try even harder so they never have to hear the criticism again.
Taking space
When you can’t forgive yourself, you can’t take up any space. The “sorry that I exist” within causes you to give other people a lot of room. This is what feels good to you. You can think: “Others are better, more honest, don’t make the mistakes I do”. Or even crazier: “It’s fine if other people make mistakes, sure. But me? No, I can’t. I really can’t”. And you punish yourself even more when you make another mistake. “No, go ahead, go over my boundaries, and take another piece of me away. I deserve it”.
The guiltier, the more honest
If you feel guilty and therefore can’t forgive yourself, you lose ground. You don’t ask for what you need. You let others be more important than yourself. You don’t open your mouth when you’ve been wronged. It’s not possible because you’re in your cocoon. It seems like the whole world is ok except for you. But be comforted, reality is the other way around: it’s because you have such a strong conscience and are so honest that you suffer so much from this! Others make errors, mistakes, blunders; they learn from them and let go again. But you are sensitive and are enormously aware of honesty, and that makes it really hard for you to let go. Therefore, the guiltier you feel, the more honest you are!
Lead role: the liver meridian
The liver meridian plays the leading role in not being able to forgive yourself. If this meridian is blocked, you can’t forgive yourself. You work with step 4 ‘Clear meridians’ on this. Slowly but surely your ability to forgive yourself awakens.
With step 7 ‘Fulfill basic needs’, the basic need “Forgiveness” is supplemented. It becomes a familiar thing, trusted. Forgiving yourself becomes easier because of this.
Another important step in the MIR-Method is step 8 ‘Optimize Chakras and Aura’. And it is all about your heart chakra. This is found at heart level on both the front and back of your body. Sometimes you feel a pain right in the center of your breast bone or between your shoulder blades. This pain shows your heart chakra is blocked. It is then more difficult to forgive and to love yourself. If you do step 8, you slowly but surely free your heart chakra with the ability to forgive yourself as a result.
In step 8 is another strong chakra, the “tailbone chakra”. This can be found where your back ends and it is important that it is grounded. It gives you the feeling of existential validity. That there is room here for you. That people have to take you into consideration instead of the other way around. And that you are worth being received.
Always do all 9 steps
To rediscover your self-forgiveness, always do all 9 steps. Do them all and in the order which is explained to you in the instruction-video!
Extra exercise
Do you recognize yourself in this article? Then do an extra version of the MIR-Method. Place a hand on your heart, stroke with the other hand over the first one, and do the MIR-Method. You’ll notice that you give your heart extra strength and the ability to forgive yourself.
How do I know that it is working?
You notice that it is working by what you say. You suddenly start to set boundaries and to stand up for yourself! Your “No” is suddenly being heard and respected. You start to appreciate who you are, what you do. That you also have the right to a fine place and happiness. You start to see that you are a fine human being and… that you have the right to exist! Precisely you with your toweringly high level of honesty and integrity! You have the right to exist!
Question for you: have you noticed that you can forgive yourself more easily? That you are starting to take up more space? What happened when you did the extra exercise? I’d love to hear from you!
Write your reaction below. Thank you!
I hope with all my heart that you can free yourself out of your cocoon and occupy your space. Looking forward to hearing from you!
Mireille Mettes
P.S. Will you help spread the MIR-Method? You would do me a big favor by forwarding this article to other people! Feel free to post it to your Facebook page or send it via e-mail, Twitter or Linked-In! Use the icons on the left-hand side or below! Thank you!
P.S. Not familiar with the MIR-Method yet? Please go to the homepage. You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Sign up for our newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support!
During this session on forgiveness I could not stop yawning…..short, medium and huge yawns. My eyes were watering also. I really love doing this method. I feel better immediately.
Dearest Mireille,
I have done the MIR-Method since my daughter introduced it to me during my breast cancer recovery journey almost 4 years ago. This article is like the affirmation of the whole holistic process for me, or an ‘aha’ moment of awareness. As an adult child of an alcoholic I take to heart any criticism and feel like it is my fault when someone is critical. I try not to take things too personal and Mir has helped tremendously with this, and in resolving conflict. But somehow this resonated with me so much as a validation. Thank you. I will continue the MIR-Method with love and peace thanks to you and your life work, a grace from God.
Dear Nancy,
Such a helpful way of putting it: being the child of an alcoholic, your ways as a child are never good enough. You then grow up in a very unsafe environment, which causes you to feel that it is all your fault as a child. It is SO good that you are aware of this AND of forgiving yourself. For the deeds you never did.
Thank you for embracing the MIR-Method. May it bring you good health!
Greetings, Mireille Mettes
Dear Mireille,
I find the MIR-Method technique very powerful and effective as well as gentle. Now, I recommend it as a protocol to all of my clients as I remind them a holistic approach requires the whole team – practitioner and client – must work. It is wonderful that the MIR-Method puts the user in the drivers seat. Having done professional muscle testing for decades, I see the global usefulness of the MIR-Method for every human ailment.
Do you have a particular suggestion for a person who frequently attracts negative non-physical energies? This person is militant, condemning, and unable to forgive, holding onto grudges for years. He is on the brink of using the MIR-Method for himself due to being motivated by an important goal of reunifying with an estranged and beloved daughter. Thank you for your generous sharing of your MIR-Method.
Dear Theresa,
Thank you for embracing the MIR-Method. And for your words of recognition. Yes, I find it wonderful that clients can do so much all by themselves. Regarding your client. The answer lies in the meridians, the liver meridian. Please check to find out if he uses alcohol and ask to drink less. And use interventions to make him express the anger and resentment on paper or during physical activity, next to doing the MIR-Method. I hope he will want to give it a try, because it can surely accelerate his process.
Greetings and hope to hear some results with your clients!
Mireille Mettes
DearMireille,
Thank you so very much for your valuable guidance but the process of mir for forgiveing ourselves do we start with step 4,7,8 and after this we should to all 9 steps again
Bit confused .I hope you will not minding to guide pls.with best regards
Dear Vrushali,
I can imagina you are confused. How to do it: put your hand on your heart. Stroke your hand with your other hand. While stroking, you say ALL 9 steps. Always do all of them. Repeat them 3 times. Please watch the instruction video where I show you how to do the 9 steps.
Good luck!
Greetings, Mireille
Dear mir loads of love to you watched the video and all clear .i advised to many of my friend and they too happy doing it and finding great the easy way you make for us .Hummble grattitude for you from bottom of my heart.soon reply with my experiance to you.thank you
With best reagards
Dear Vrushali,
Thank you for your kind words and recognition. I am VERY happy that you show the MIR-Method to your friends. Thank you very much. I hope it brings them much good.
Greetings!
Mireille
Thank you for this wonderful information. My Granddaughter and I have been doing the 9 steps now for 2 1/2 week. We are sharing the information and also using the steps on pets. I did TFH years ago and always found it helpful. Appreciate you and the energetic lightness of this system.
Dear Beverly,
Thank you so much for your kind words. So great to see you know Touch for Health. It was the first step for me in the way of creating the MIR-Method. Once I learned muscle testing I was capable of developing the MIR-Method. Great you learnt it too!
Thank you for using the MIR-Method and for sharing it with others! Let me know how you are doing and if you notice any results. And about the pets too!
Good luck!
Mireille
Thank you, Mireille. This is accurate, as far as I am concerned. Perhaps one can add that on top of this guilt misery, a certain type of New-Age thinking hast taught us to accuse ourselves of “self-sabotage” and “resistance” and lots of other things that only serve to deepen the rift in our hearts.
That’s why I like the MIR-Method. It has less theoretical ballast than other approaches and is not as heavily encumbered with interpretations you don’t know how to handle (let alone implement) when after quite a few decades you still can’t forgive yourself for not being able to please them.
After nine weeks of mirring, there is little in the way of change. Perhaps you could say that the problem is standing out in sharper contour. I did the extra exercise in the beginning (since you mentioned it in the Dutch version of this article) and will take it up again.
There is something simple, quiet, soothing and heartening about your way of putting things. Refreshing.
Dear Jochen,
Thank you very much for the recognition. I am glad the MIR-Method fits well with the way you live your life. And what you describe is what often happens: the real cause of the problem becomes clearer and clearer, so that in the end it is much easier to let go of the problem.
Hope it will work out for you that way too!
Good luck!
Mireille
Dear Mireille,
I forgot to ask: Should I use the extra exercise as a standard or just occasionally?
Thanks,
Jochen
Dear Jochen,
Use it for a week and then feel what you want to do next. I used it for a week and then I went back to the usual stroking.
Good luck!
Mireille