159. Are You Afraid of Expressing Your Anger?
What does anger mean to you? Is it threatening? Do you think it makes you seem weak when you show that you’re angry? Do you restrain yourself, because the other person doesn’t listen anyway? Or, because the other person may begin a counterattack? Or, are you afraid that you will then explode, that you will show too much anger? Or, don’t you ever feel angry? Don’t you notice it when something bothers you? Is everything always okay and do you like keeping the peace? “Come, let’s not get angry. Let’s talk calmly about it with each other.”
Fear of arguments
Many adults learned as children not to get angry, they learned to prevent arguments. Keep quiet. Swallow it. Because if you get angry, there’s a chance that it will cause an argument and you won’t be strong enough. So, repress your anger. Don’t argue! The adults who taught this to children are the ones who are always nice, keeping the peace. The cloak of love…. they are very good at keeping themselves under control. They feel that there has been some kind of injustice, but quickly move on past what they want themselves. Because otherwise, there will be an argument! And they repress their anger; they keep it inside.
Then puberty came
How did things go during puberty? This is the moment that you became stronger as a child and you could open your mouth. The moment that you could disagree, in which you could stick up for yourself. Did you do that? Did you rebel? Did you drive your father crazy? Did you yell at your mother, all the way from the tips of your toes? It’s no fun, but it is necessary. As a young person, it is necessary for you to feel what it means to be angry and to express your anger. That is often unfocussed, but you need to feel what it means to be angry and to express it. You need to experience that strong energy and see that you have influence on other people because of it. It’s up to parents to realize that this is part of growing up and that they can be proud of you for sticking up for yourself.
Repressing anger is bad for your health
People who never get angry are deceiving themselves. Everyone gets angry once in a while. If you decide not to vent your anger, it will tax your body. Your liver and gall bladder can suffer from this. Repressed anger causes illness. Expressing your anger is much healthier, but then in a way that is acceptable to the people around you. We need to take a look at anger. I wrote an article about this, article 15 ‘Angry? Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve!’.
If you take a look at anger, you realize that there is something wonderful about it and that there is strength in it!
And, have you been feeling angry more often? Feel the enormous energy it contains. I am often grateful to angry people! They bring about change!
The MIR-Method and becoming angry
If you do the 9 steps of the MIR-Method, your subconscious works in many ways to free you. In article 15 I described what happens, step-by-step. You begin to feel as you were intended to, according to your original blueprint. And that means that you will be faithful to your emotions, including your anger, because that is the gauge that something is not going the way you’d like it to. By doing the MIR-Method, you become more in touch with what you would like, with what is important to you. If you never get angry, it’s possible that you will become a bit crabbier, a little crankier and sometimes explode. No fun but necessary because you are beginning to feel that something needs to change and that you no longer accept the way it is now. Super!
Have you also noticed that you become angry more easily since doing the MIR-Method? That you don’t always just want to keep the peace anymore and that you are shortchanging yourself when you do? I’d love to hear about it! Please write about it below. Thank you!
My wish is that you can enjoy the strength of the power hidden behind your anger!
Greetings, Mireille Mettes
P.S. You would do me a big favor by spreading the MIR-Method to others by posting this article to your Facebook page or forwarding it via e-mail, Twitter or Linked-In! Use the icons on the left-hand side! Thank you!
P.S. Are you not yet familiar with the MIR-Method? Please go to the homepage: www.mirmethod.com. You can watch the video there and also the instruction video. Register on the homepage to receive the newsletter and 6 weeks of coaching e-mails for extra support!
Dear Mireille,
In 2 days I will have been doing the MIR-Method for 4 weeks. About 2 weeks ago I started becoming quite intolerant and becoming angered more easily. I just read your article re anger. I am aware that I have been over-giving (looking for the love and acceptance I feel I am not receiving) and have created many scenarios in which those who are close to me feel entitled to more giving from me, with little to no need to give back. I am aware that this is my creation. It was so helpful for me to understand how the MIR Method works through each step on these issues! Thank you so much for that clarity! While you have instructed to do MIR-Method for 4 weeks, I feel it is best to continue as it seems that I am barely breaking the surface of what has been contained far too long. Is that fine or is there some reason to limit to only 4 weeks? I have had CFS/ME for over a decade. (no surprise based on what I have said). Since I read about your work elsewhere and they did not give the warning to progress slowly I began immediately with all 9 steps. Within a couple of hours of my first application of MIR-Method I felt EXTREMELY washed out, but with the ME it is not uncommon for me to feel exhausted and unwell so it was not beyond my ability to cope with. The next day (and each following day) I was so much better! Several days later I listened to your video. Based on your recommendation I stepped back to only steps 5 & 7, since all 3 categories of health issues applied to me. The next day I regressed so much that I decided it was not worth it and went back to all 9 steps. I have not felt awful in my body again in that way. I find I can do more tasks with little to no pain, and I have more endurance. I found the myalgia improved so it was easier to walk within days of beginning MIR. I feel more clear headed. It has been the emotional component that I am challenged by. I have more cellular energy and endurance. I recover in a day rather than a week or more. Since reading your article on anger I have to laugh because I can now see that the more well I feel in my body, the more angry I have felt, and find that I have brief outbursts with others. Obviously the CFS/ME issues I have truly suffered with for so many years are related to the difficulties I have had creating boundaries!! There is more! I now see that on days that I am wavering, or perhaps balancing from the 9 steps, and I return to the compliant over-giver, my body hurts more and I have less energy. On the days that I feel intolerant of being “run over” by others, my body is stronger and less painful! It is hysterical to see that now! The connections between the healing with the MIR and the reduction in CFS/ME symptoms combined with the release of contained emotions. Brilliant! From your article on anger I believe that if I continue with the MIR-Method it is likely I will see these issues balance out, based on how the 9 steps will heal the imbalances. Am I understanding correctly? I will say that I believe all the anger and intolerance began around the time that I started feeling a return to normal health (pre CFS/ME). At that same time I began using the full fingers of both hands and circling on the sides and back of my neck. I enjoy the feeling of that more than the hands because my left hand has nerve issues from an injury. I dislike the feeling of the nerve sensations when I stroke my hands because it reminds me of the injury that caused the nerve issues. Is stroking my neck gently something I should not do? I am not massaging, just stroking as you demonstrate in your video. Hoping you can reply with any guidance you might add. I appreciate you for sharing MIR-Method freely. Thanks again!
Dear Margaret,
Such great progress you are making! Am so happy for you! I know that women with fibromyalgia are usually women who give to much, expecting subconsciously to receive something in return. It is interesting to see the same process in you. Yes, by all means, caress your skin where it feels most comfortable, such as your neck. Well done for taking the sensitive nerves on your hand seriously! Hope that will heal too some day.
Yes, please continue with the MIR-Method, as long as you still have complaints.
Wishing you lots of good luck and increasing health!
Mireille Mettes
Dear Mireille,
I have been using the MIR method everyday for about 4 months and don’t plan to stop. I’ve been hearing for years that I should learn to “parent” myself to make up for childhood emotional losses and I always resisted this idea. I feel I have a right to want to have my needs met even if some of this stems from childhood and I can not go back to these formative years.
When I started using the MIR method I immediately realized that this is a form of self-parenting or caring for myself that I can do for myself rather than going outside myself for comforting and love such as with acupuncture, massage, etc. So, when I began seeing changes in my life I was thrilled that I have this tool to use whereever I go. As a child of much unpredictability in my past, this is one routine that helps ground me morning and evening, more so than brushing my teeth although done around the same time.
Thank you for this deepening tool into my inner self and inner resources that I knew I always had. Your method is yet another way to feel that “unity” that you said was your mission. I feel more connected with my emotions, my bodily sensations, my right to be here, and my love for humanity as I practice your method.
Alison
Dear Alison,
How wonderful how you -spot on- describe what I intended for anyone. So glad you embraced the MIR-Method and can see it is a tool for life! Am very happy it helps you to fulfill all that you missed out as a child, so you can heal yourself, totally independant from others. Great!
Happy for you!
Greetings, Mireille Mettes
I never was good at expressing my anger getting a bit better at it the older I get as leant if one represses anger and other feelings of resentment they build up and once in a while explode usually over something minor and than over reacts which is sometimes worse than just getting angry, I have also found the reaction from others to normal anger is never as bad as one thinks it will be. so the MIR-Method is good probably thinking of the situation that makes you angry while doing the MIR-Method works in similar way to EFT and combining with EFT is probably even more effective. I’ll give it try and let you know.
Dear Pamela,
Hope you will find some lovely anger in you! Beneath that anger is something your heart really wants to express. I am curious what it is!
Good luck!
Greetings, Mireille Mettes